is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
soo... how was my night?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
