This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
