Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
