i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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