I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
