We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
