I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize