If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
