We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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