Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
