Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
