Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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