God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
