ADVERTISEMENT

• (540): View more from Virginia

  Me. At least after what I've been through.

  Fav 5 754 940

  share tweet
  

• (954): View more from Florida

  you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now

  Fav 82 27518 2013

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (303): View more from Colorado

  I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  But what if I pay for the gas?

  Fav 53 1500 7403

  share tweet
  

• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.

  Fav 13 4835 1211

  share tweet
  
• 

  25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (619): View more from California

  It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.

  Fav 3 3079 1005

  share tweet
  

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?

  Fav 7 3623 1104

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (770): View more from Georgia

  If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...

  Fav 10 3494 1001

  share tweet
  

• (479): View more from Arkansas

  I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.

  Fav 14 5082 1430

  share tweet
  

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.

  Fav 14 1313 3652

  share tweet
  
• 

  25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (681): View more from West Virginia

  Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.

  Fav 12 2467 1154

  share tweet
  

• (716): View more from New York

  Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.

  Fav 3 1674 964

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (870): View more from Arkansas

  There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood

  Fav 17 755 2977

  share tweet
  

• (478): View more from Georgia

  I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."

  Fav 1 598 1239

  share tweet
  

• (469): View more from Texas

  The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"

  Fav 0 1108 510

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (+61): View more from Australia

  Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?

  Fav 0 74 128

  share tweet
  

Randomize