just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
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you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
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So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.