Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
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HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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