my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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