True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
