ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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