If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
