I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
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They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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