my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
