Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I can text with my tongue
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
