I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
How external is "for external use only"?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize