i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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