I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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