everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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