I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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