I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
