I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
