she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
