I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
