i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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