I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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