Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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