reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
