she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
