8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
