i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
