If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
