he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
