Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize