We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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