Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
