fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
