What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
