Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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