in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
