Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
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whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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