you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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