Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
