There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
