I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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