Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
bring money and cleavage
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My feet surprised me
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