When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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