I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
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Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
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I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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