"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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