I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
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Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
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So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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