Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
