A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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