Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
