Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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