So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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