All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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