remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
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I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
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Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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