3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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